Truth
by AnkouRavien
Summary: The days are filled with depression and delusion. Is there any kind of way to escape this? All I need is a truth. Did I really kill everyone back then? I...
1. Chapter 1

_Warning: This is just random ideas that popped in my head. I know nothing about mental disorder (and I don't even want to know. I'm not that helpful person in that situation LOL)_

* * *

Elsword's POV

"If you had one wish from Lady El, what would it be?"

"Death."

The girl next to me sighs. "You need to get life motivation, you know? You can be useful to someone else."

"Two kidneys exists for a reason, so you can sell both of them and die," I reply as I look at her. She doesn't look happy at all. "Should I do it to be useful?"

"No, Els," she looks straight into my eyes, "When are you going to tell me your problems? I'm ready to hear everything, you know."

I force myself to smile, "Some things better left as mysteries, Aisha."

"Stop making me curious!" she shouts at me and slams the table. I'm sure that was loud enough to create quiet atmosphere all of a sudden. As I look around, I realize everyone is looking at us.

I chuckle, "This would be another memorable moment at school canteen."

"Shut up."

We're not saying anything until the atmosphere comes back to normal. The girl, Aisha, gives me a concerned look. "You don't have to put those fake smile every time, Els."

Hahah... I think she knows me better than myself.

"You're not hungry?" she asks as she opens her lunch box, "I'm going to eat, if you don't mind."

"Go on. I'll eat later," I say to her. It's not that I'm not hungry.

I don't have money.

Someone comes from the back and pats our shoulder. "Are you two officially a couple now?"

Ah, this voice.

"Hey, Ara," I greet her.

The girl that just came, Ara, smiles at us. "What do you want?" Aisha asks as she narrows her eyes.

"I just want to meet you guys!" she shouts with a frown, but then it turns into a grin, "or you want some time alone?"

That doesn't make any sense to me. "How can 2 people be alone in a crowd? Explain."

Two other people come. A blonde boy named Chung and a white haired Nasod named Eve. "Hey! I heard a rumor about our homeroom teacher!" Chung shouts.

"According to my analysis, the rumor is 79.34% accurate," Eve continues.

"Cool!" Aisha turns around to face them. She's always excited with this kind of thing. "Tell me!"

"People said his Nasod arm is not just for arm replacement. It can actually do something like explosion!" Chung shouts with sparkling eyes.

Our homeroom teacher is a bit weird. His left arm is a Nasod arm, but no one knows what actually happened to his arm.

* * *

After a long day of school, it finally ends. Four of us usually walk home together. It's always good until we part ways.

I don't like being alone. I'm not saying I like being with people, it's just...

 _"Hey, chop us off already!"_

That voice again! I'm not sure if I'm imagining things, but my hands always feel numb when I hear it. They're resisting to be one with my body.

 _"You kill people with your own hands! You're using us!"_

"It... It was an accident..."

 _"You made us your murder weapon!"_

"Okay, it's my fault! I'm sorry!"

 _"Hey, how about the other people who lost their loved ones? They didn't deserve death! It should be you!"_

"I'm sorry!"

"Elsword!"

Someone holds my shoulders and looks at me in the eyes.

"Aisha? Why are you here?"

"Because there's something wrong with you!" she shouts, "You never told me, but I know you're suffering!"

I don't know what to say to her. I'm just here, listening to her.

"Let's go to your home. You need to tell me everything," she says as she grabs my hand.

* * *

We arrive at my house. No one's here, actually. It's just me.

"Where's your family?" Aisha asks.

I'm a bit happy to know that someone actually cares of me, but... it's annoying at the same time. I just want to be alone.

"Mom and sis have a job at Hamel," I mutter. Hamel is the best spot to get a job with high salary, but the things there are far more expensive than here.

"What about your dad?" she asks again.

Dad...

She shakes her head. "I think I get the point. Sorry for bringing that up."

"It's fine."

Sometimes I wonder...

It should be easier for my mom and sis to live if I'm gone, right? They don't have to work hard for me.

Right...?

I don't have anything to live for anyway. I'm worthless and I hate myself.

"I just want you to know that you can call me anytime if you need someone to talk to," Aisha says as she smiles at me, "By the way, can I use your ingredients? I can cook for you."

...

Why would I talk about something that I'm not even sure if it's right? Does anything matter anymore? I...

I just want to die. I'm sure everything will be better without me.

* * *

 _HAH whatever_

 _I'm thinking if it's better to post all of these (it's completed already) rather than just wasting memory in my PC_

 _Thanks for reading *claps*_


	2. Chapter 2

Aisha's POV

He. Does. Not. Have. Anything!

This is my first time in Els' house. The fridge is literally a decoration!

Sigh...

Actually I'm a bit surprise that he takes care of this house so well. It's clean and tidy.

I go back to the living room. I guess I have to give the meal I bought.

I sit beside him and give the meal. "Here. Eat it."

"You don't have to—"

"You didn't eat anything since this morning. Shut up and eat," I narrow my eyes at him. I'm upset right now. We're friends for 3 years already. At first I thought he's just one of those drama people, but I know there's something wrong with him. He never told me anything about himself, but I'm sure he has a mental disorder. He needs help.

But why did he not open up? Why did he keep everything alone? This is my first time hearing about his family. I never know he lives alone.

You know what? He could have commit suicide earlier if he wanted to. Good thing there's something that keeps him to live, even though I don't know what that is.

We're just here in silent. It didn't take too much time for him to finish that meal.

 _Ring!_

Els picks up his phone. I could hear a woman's voice.

 _"Elsword, how's your day? Are you feeling well?"_

Els is just staring blankly at nothing. He doesn't give any answer.

 _"Don't give up, my hero. How long can you manage to hold yourself from giving up?"_

Els keeps silent for a moment. "Two hours," he mutters.

The woman—I assume she's his mother—giggles.

 _"That's my boy! Els, I have good news. We're going home in 3 days! Let's celebrate Christmas together!"_

Els' eyes widen for a second. "Can I get a Christmas present?"

 _"Of course you can! What do you need?"_

"Can I get a new shoes?"

 _"Sure thing, my dear! I'll call you in 2 hours, okay? Love you!"_

A smile is formed on Els face. "Okay!"

He definitely has problem. I need to get his family contact somehow to ask more about it. Maybe his sister.

"Sorry for all the trouble," Els apologizes to me.

I shake my head and smile. "It's not a trouble at all. I might not understand how you feel, but you can call me if you need help," I say as I take my backpack, "I'm going home."

He waves his hand, "Take care."

 _Ring!_

Aaah I'm sorry, Els. I need to eavesdrop that.

 _"Els! Did mom tell you the good news?"_

"She did. She said I can have a new shoes."

The girl's voice laugh—pretty sure she's his sister.

 _"Cool! How are you?"_

"Usual."

 _"How can I help you now?"_

"Are you busy? Can you draw something for me?"

 _"You want the bunny again?"_

"Yeah."

 _"Alright then! I'll send it through the chat later, okay?"_

"Post it on your account. The comments are always the best!"

 _"Okay then! Talk to you later, bro!"_

I walk away silently from his home.

* * *

As soon as I get home, I go to my apartment and open my laptop. Actually I buy something for dinner first on my way home.

His sister's account? Art account?

There are so many art websites, but the popular one is... Tunblr. I need to find something here.

I spend around one hour already to find this bunny. Goddamn I hate every time I see this bunny meme, like, at least one in one scroll. This bunny doesn't have hairs and the face is just disturbing, which is funny. It's so popular for years already.

Wait...

The bunny memes are posted by the same account.

Hold up. Don't tell me...

I click the account and scroll through all the art until I found some Q&A session.

 _Q: Why do you keep drawing that bunny lmao_

 _A: ROFL I enjoy it tbh. My bro is struggling with his problem and he keeps asking for that bunny when I offer my help XD_

...Huh.

Let's try to contact her through private message.

 _as322: Hey there. I'm Elsword's friend. Can we talk?_

Sigh... I don't think she would reply in a second. I wonder what video I can watch on YeeTube.

 _Ping!_

Holy...

I quickly check my Tunblr.

 _elsaFy: let me guess, you're aisha?_

WTH!

 _as322: how did you know?!_

 _elsaFy: els told me almost everything about you!_

 _as322: wdym almost everything?_

 _elsaFy sent a photo._

It's a photo of Els, Eve, Chung, Ara, and me. We took this photo when we went on an arcade a year ago.

 _elsaFy: you're that purple haired girl_

 _as322: yeah_

 _elsaFy: you have the same birthday as him, slightly shorter than els, number 1 student at school. should I keep going?_

Too many details!

 _as322: can we meet up when you got home? sry I eavesdropped the conversation_

 _elsaFy: lol sure. the day after christmas?_

 _as322: ok_

 _elsaFy: gimme your number_

Thankfully it went so smoothly.

* * *

 _Bleh_

 _Thanks for reading!_


	3. Chapter 3

Elesis' POV

Finally! Home sweet home!

Honestly I don't expect Els to take care of the house, but he does.

 _Knock! Knock!_

"Els! We're home!" I shout.

No answer.

"Elsword! Are you there?" mom shouts as she knocks the door.

Still no answer.

I try to call him, but he's not picking up.

My mom turns pale, and I think I do as well. She quickly goes to the garden, takes the spare key, and open the door.

* * *

God damn, Els! Why are you doing this?!

I called Aisha to the hospital. Luckily she comes faster than I thought.

"What happened?" she asks with concerned look on her face.

"He drank a poison," I answer as I let her sit beside me, "This is the 4th time he did it. God..."

Aisha hugs me as she pats my back. I hug her back and cry on her shoulder.

After feeling a bit better, I break the hug. "I-I'm sorry," I apologize as I wipe my tears.

"It's fine," she replies with a sad smile. "What exactly happened to him?"

"He never told you?"

She shakes her head. "He doesn't even tell us about you. He just told me he has a sister 3 days ago!"

...But why?

"Can you tell me what happened?" Aisha asks as she looks at me, "He doesn't want to tell me."

Sigh... This would be a bit painful to tell.

"It happened 5 years ago. Do you remember that demon invasion?"

Aisha's eyes widen. "You were there?"

"The demon was searching for the El Shard. My mom and I were able to escape, but Els got caught and my dad chased after him. I don't really know what happened there, but the officers said people that got caught by demons were killed by my brother—including our dad."

Aisha gasps. "T-That must be wrong!"

"I know! My brother wouldn't be able to hurt anyone in that age! He doesn't even remember anything about it!" I shout in anger.

F-ck... I shouldn't shout that loud in a hospital...

Mom keeps staring at the door with her swollen eyes because of tears. She's just wishing for Els' safety.

I hear footsteps.

"How's Elsword?!"

That voice...

"Rena!" I stand up and hug her.

The elf hugs me back. "I'm sorry. I should have checked on him."

I shake my head. "It's not your fault. You helped us a lot already."

Aisha looks confused with all this.

Rena smiles at her. "You're Aisha, right?"

Aisha nods slightly. "Did he literally tell everyone?"

"He told us about the others as well," I answer her, "You know, Ara, Eve, and Chung."

Aisha lowers her head. "He looked like a normal person to us, you know? We didn't know he has mental disorder."

I sit beside her. Honestly I can't keep my mind off of him. He tried to commit suicide so many times. I did say this is the 4th time.

The 4th time he drank poison. Cutting wrist and hanging himself are excluded.

Rena, our neighbor, usually check on him every day. She saved our brother so many times. She said she has spirits around her that told her if Els is in danger. I'm not really sure how that magic works.

"Can I ask why you left him alone?" Aisha asks me.

Ah...

"We... don't have that much money to live after dad died," I mutter as I lower my head, "I quit school so Els can continue his study. I get a job and... Hamel is the only place to get all the money we need. We don't even have money to pay the hospital."

Rena pats my head. "I paid the bill already."

Oh my...

"He's like a brother to me," Rena smiles, "Don't think too much about the bill. Let me handle it."

She's too nice. "Thank you very much!" I hug her again.

* * *

A few days later, Els is awake. Mom quickly run to his side.

"Mom...?"

"It's me, dear. Along with your sis, Rena, and Aisha here."

Yeah. I brought Aisha here.

Els doesn't look so happy.

"Why won't you let me die?" he asks with teary eyes.

This is not the first time I hear it so I kinda expected it, but Aisha seems very shocked about this.

"Just let me die! Why do you keep me alive?! WHY?!"

Mom and I give him a big hug. We obviously won't let him die and he knows about this.

* * *

 _Clap_

 _Thanks for reading!_

 _Surprisingly I got a review *claps_

 _Introducing Ra, my OC, to reply your review._

 ** _Void HighLord Prime_**

 _Ra: Who knows? She might give a bad ending like usual_

 _Elesis: I swear if she gave bad ending-_

 _Rena: Shh, calm down_


	4. Chapter 4

Aisha's POV

"Aisha, let's get out for now," Rena says as she steps out from the room.

I have no idea how to react to that. At least we know that Els is safe.

"Aisha?"

"Yes?"

She pats my shoulder. "Do you and your friends care about him?"

"Obviously. The others were surprised when they heard about this."

"Can I ask a favor?"

I look at her. "Please let him know that you care. Can you ask everyone to come? It does sound like attention seeker, but if the others came, it would be a big help for Els."

 _Ring!_

I picks up my phone. "What is it?"

 _"Does Els like chocolate? We can't find any vanilla cake!"_

God damn that Ara! "Wha—We talked about this! He doesn't like chocolate!" I yell.

 _"Tiramisu?"_

Huh... "That one would do," I reply.

"Cake? Is today 27th?" Rena asks as she looks at her phone. "Oh right! Happy birthday, Aisha!"

What?! "Um, thanks. How did you know?"

Rena smiles. "Els told me about you."

Really?

I'm honestly still worried about him. What if he tried to kill himself again? What if nobody was there to stop him?

* * *

A few hours later, Ara, Eve, and Chung finally come. "What took you so long?" I ask them.

"Happy birthday!" they shout. At the hospital.

"Oops, sorry," Ara giggles.

"Thanks," I smile at them. I wonder if it's fine to visit him right now.

Elesis opens the door from the inside. "Oh, you guys came!" Elesis smiles at us, "Els is fine now. Come in, but don't be too loud."

"Light the candle!"

"Wait! Where's the candle?"

* * *

After a lot of trouble, we're finally able to celebrate Els and my birthday for a short time.

"Make a wish," Ara smiles.

Els tilts his head. "Wish?"

"Humans usually make a wish on their birthday, although the chance is almost zero, humans are still doing it," Eve explains as she stares at the candle, "I wonder why. Does birthday candle perform miracle?"

"Uh, don't think about it," I pat Eve's shoulder.

Els is just staring at the candle. I think this is his first time making a wish on his birthday. I mean, we never celebrate it before.

"Don't wish about death. Wish about something good," I say to him. Death is not allowed on birthday's wish. Just no.

He blows the candle and smiles after that. "What's your wish?" Chung asks.

Eve smacks Chung's head. "You can't ask personal things."

"Oh, come on! It shouldn't be personal!"

"It is. What if he's wishing to get closer with his crush?"

Els chuckles. "I'm wishing for truth."

"Truth?" we ask simultaneously as we look at him.

Interesting wish. What does that mean? What kind of truth?


	5. Chapter 5

Eve's POV

It's been 4 months. Els is getting better.

Physically.

He finally told us about his past that keeps haunting him—the memory when he realized he killed people with his own hands.

"Shouldn't we ask someone?" I ask as I look at them. Everyone is speechless?

"There should be a witness, right?" I continue, "If there's no witness, those demons will leave Els to death there."

"They probably just let him go," Chung shrugs.

I shake my head. "Impossible. I would leave him to death if I were that demon. Even if they let him go, I don't think he could run away to safe place after what he saw. He must be in shock. What I'm trying to say is someone rescued him, but he KNEW what exactly happened—"

"Who wants to rescue a killer?" Els mutters, "No one."

"Exactly."

...

Are they that dumb to realize?

Oh, Aisha's facial expression changed. Pretty sure she realized something. As expected from number one student.

"Are you saying that Els is not the killer?" she asks.

There we go. "There must be someone watching the whole thing without doing anything. Or in fact, they can't do anything. Fighting the demons alone is definitely a suicide."

They're even more speechless.

"Leave this to me. I'll tell you if I find the person," I say as I walk away. Honestly I have someone in mind.

* * *

I skip the class. Someone in my mind is in this school. It's that one teacher that caught everyone's attention.

I walk inside teacher's room casually. "Hey, we need to talk."

Surprise! I'm dragging Els with me.

Everyone calls him using "mister" but I usually just call him by his name because I'm Queen of Nasods and I obviously got higher status.

The reason I suspect him is because he has that Nasod arm. You can't just lose an arm and replace it with random Nasod arm. Obviously you'll get the human-like arm, not the robotic one.

He sighs. "Right now?"

I narrow my eyes at him. "You were there, weren't you, Raven?"

The teacher, Raven, gets flinched for a moment there. "What do you mean?"

"Why are you so surprised?" I ask, still staring at his eyes.

"Because I just stole this soda from the principal's room," Raven replies.

Good El this useless teacher...

He's looking at me now. "Not that?"

I grab Els' hand because I think he's not paying attention. Probably that memory haunts him at the moment. "You saw Els, am I correct?"

Raven stays silent.

...

"Why you didn't say anything?" I ask again. I'll press him until he gives us the truth.

"No one believed me. I told the other officers that was caused by an accident, but they insisted that someone betrayed humans. I ended up giving false information; everyone died," Raven looks at Els, "Except you."

Els looks at Raven back. "Did I really kill them?"

"You could say that, but you're possessed. It's not under your control."

Okay, what?

Els lowers his head. "Why me?"

"Elkashu gave the El shard to you. He wanted you to run away, but the demons caught you and the others. You were asked to give the El shard to them. They're planning to use the hostages to drain their energy, but you were there telling them to not use the hostages and use you instead. And they used you... to kill the hostages. In the end, the demons still drained the hostages' energy."

We're not able to say anything. That sounds too crazy and f-cked up.

"You didn't kill them, Elsword. They'll ended up dead even if you didn't say that," Raven ends his story.

I can't react to that. I just can't.

"You should have let me die there," Els murmurs.

Raven shakes his head. "You asked for help. I'm not that heartless to ignore it."

Els' eyes widen. "I did?"

"You kept repeating "I didn't kill them" until you're unconscious. You don't remember that?" Raven tilts his head, "If you think you killed them, I guess you're wrong, because your old self said otherwise."

I look at Els. He's totally not fine right now.

Raven narrows his eyes. "You need counselor?"

"N-No. I'm fine!"

Raven sighs. "Figures. What do you want me to say? I can't say anything else."

Els looks confused. "You're not going to call the counselor?"

Raven shakes his head. "Your mother told me your condition. I can't just call counselor out of nowhere every time you're down. Besides..."

Raven looks away. Why though?

The counselor approaches us. "Elsword, we need to talk about your grades."

Els startles. "Wha—I'm improving!"

"You're not! Now come with me!"

"But!"

Els is following the counselor.

I squint at Raven. "Besides?"

"Forget it."

"Come on, tell me!"

Raven looks embarrassed. "I'm here to watch over him. I need to make sure the officers don't arrest him for murder."

Huh...

"You're surprisingly caring as a retired officer."

"Hey, don't call me that!"

* * *

I think Els is getting better after that talk with Raven. I never heard anything from Rena, which means Els isn't trying to suicide after that last one.

"He did great with his score as well. Not that all A+ score, but he reached average."

I'm currently sitting with Aisha on the library. As a library, this place is actually noisy. Els and Chung are in the gym to cheer for Ara in martial arts competition.

Me? I'm not interested in such things. I prefer helping Aisha with her preparation to study abroad.

What can I say? Time flies. We're going to graduate soon.

"Thanks to you, Aisha."

She looks away from her book and tilts her head. "What's that all of a sudden?"

"We didn't realize Els got problems, but you knew. You're always there for him, even though he still committed suicide. But we're able to help him because you're on the hospital that day. Imagine if none of us realized it. That red head would be dead by now."

Aisha smiles a little. "You think so? I thought Mr. Raven realized it as well?"

"Well, he did, but he was a useless teacher," I reply.

Aisha giggles. "It sounds funnier when you're smiling as well."

I chuckle at her reaction. You might wanted to ask about the word "was".

He's back to his real job. As a useless officer.

"He helped so many people, you know? Did you read the news?" Aisha asks as she reads her book again.

Tch. I hate to admit that he's all over the news.

Anyway, I'm happy to see Els with his "real" smile on his face now. I didn't know humans can help each other just by using words. It's like manipulation magic to me.

* * *

 _Done Clap_


End file.
